another blog?

I am thinking of starting another blog to connect with other people who have lost a parent. I KNOW that my mom is in a better place. I KNOW that is is not supposed to be "easy" to loose a parent BUT I feel like a part of me is missing. I feel like I could cry all day sometimes. I feel like.....like I would not wish this pain on anyone! I feel like I miss my mom! I miss the way she was ALWAYS so positive. I miss talking to her on a daily basis AND HEARING HER VOICE IN RESPONSE! I miss her tiny hands and the way she would squeeze 3 TIMES, meaning I LOVE YOU, every time we held hands. I miss getting cards in the mail for no reason! I miss the way she always knew what was going through my mind without me having to say anything, even over the phone she knew what I was thinking. I miss the way she smelled. I catch myself calling my grandmother ONLY TO HEAR MY MOMS VOICE ON THE MACHINE! I hurt today, every day really, but today is a hard day......

Rylee's BIRTHday!

So, I can't believe it! This time last year, January 3, 20008,  I was headed to my LAST OB appointment not knowing that I would have my angel 12 hours later....3 weeks early. I was dilated to a 2-3 and 80%effaced. I was having contractions but they were irregular and mixed with braxton hicks.  They hooked me up and listened to her for a while and decided that it was up to me if I wanted to go to the hospital and get things started or if I wanted to go home and wait it out. I decided to go home. The doctor decided that I would not make it more than a week so we agreed that I would be induced January 11 if I made it that long. I went to visit my friend Jess after my appointment and we went walking. When I got home I agreed to let George go out with some friends but that I wanted him home at midnight. He agreed. I went to bed about 10:30 and slept like a BABY! Roger, our cat was curled up on my belly since I was laying on my side. I assume George got home before midnight because at about 12:45 I got woken up by my cat "tapping" my face. I was mad. I was getting the best sleep I had in weeks. When I got up I realized that my contractions were coming every 5 min and lasting about a minute. I woke George up and decided to take a shower to see if it would slow things down (showers stopped my braxton hicks and I figured that was all I was having). When I got out I was HURTING! We got to the hospital a little after 2am. My contractions were coming ever 2-3 minutes and lasting well over a minute. They checked me I was about a 5-6 and 100% effaced. They hooked up the monitors and knew something was wrong. During contractions Rylee's heart rate was a little high and after a contraction was over her heart rate was between 40-60 which is way low. They set me up for an emergency C-section since rotating my position was not helping anything. With the help of a vacuum extractor (hear head was lodged in my pelvis) my little girl was born January 4, 2008 at 4:34 am but did not take her first breath until 4:36am. She was GREY! She weighed 6lb 11oz and was 20 inched long. I was so scared and George was trying to take my mind off of things while I watched them work on her. When I hear her little squeaks I couldn't help by cry. She spent 13 hrs in the NICU and we spent 5 nights in the hospital because she was pretty jaundiced and lost nearly a whole lb. Here are some pictures from her BIRTHday!

 

5 days later she was 5lb 14 when we went home

 

that is about it for now......my baby girl will be 3 tomorrow.....