Christams Eve already?!?

I wish everyone a Verrrrry Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May 2011 bring MUCH joy to you and yours!!!!!

On a personal note, I can NOT wait for next year to begin and this year to END! 2010 has been a nightmare. January I found out that my mom had, yet again, another brain tumor. In March it was confirmed that she had brain AND lung cancer. April my car got totaled. August my mom took a turn for the worse so I dropped out of my externship and Rylee and I flew to California. September I got carjacked and Rylee got kidnapped. November my mom died. December my Grandad died. ......2011 HAS to be better!

I struggle as a Christian to try to understand WHY these things happened in my life this year. I know that I need to just stay true to my faith and pray for things to not get worse and for the strength and comfort that He can/will give me. I KNOW all of these things. I am human though, therefore staying strong all the time is a daily struggle. I will continue to pray....

That is about it for now......

It has been a WHILE since my last post

Well, well, well....where to begin. I have had so much go on since my last post which was October 15. I got a new, to me, car on October 16! My dad got me a Toyota Highlander for my graduation present! I started my externship on October 25 at The University of North Texas Health Science Center in the Cardiology department! On October 28 the hospice people in California said that my mom had less than 2 weeks to live. I could not take any time off because I had JUST restarted my externship. My Aunt Susan had driven my mom's car back to California earlier that week. On October 30, Aunt Susan loaded my mom and all her oxygen into my moms car and picked up my other Aunt Sarah (I call her Ninny) in Pheonix where she flew to continue the long drive back to Texas. They got back to Texas on October 31 at about 9 in the morning. George and I were waiting on them when they arrived. It was bitter sweet. George carried my mom into my Aunt Susan's house, where she would stay until she died. We spent the WHOLE day with my mom. Rylee sat up in my mom's bed and "read" to her out of several different books. My mom was pretty alert but I could tell by looking at her frail 90lb body that she was suffering. I went to my externship the following morning and as soon as I got off I went to see my mom. The hospice people from Texas had been by that day to assess her and they said it could be 24hrs to 5 days before she died but they didn't expect her to make it a week. I was crushed but I tried to stay positive. My mom's best friend Gwen met me their and my step mom, JoAnn and Nana had already been there visiting! My mom was laughing and the one thing I will remember MOST is how tight her grip was she she was holding my hand. I stayed with my mom LONG after they left and I layed with her in bed and we talked about things that we had not talked about in years. She kept telling me about her grandparents that I never had a chance to meet and towards the end of our talks she was calling me Gram. The over night hospice nurse, Betty got there about 8 and we had a long talk. She was born at Loma Linda University Medical Center where my mom had all of her treatments, she knew some of my mom's doctors and just knowing that made me feel at peace and okay! It was proof that everything happens for a reason. I went back in with my mom until she fell asleep and then I went home. I cried the whole way, but mostly good tears. I knew that she would not suffer much longer. I went to my extern site the next morning, Tuesday, November 2, with the intentions on leaving at 4 so that Ninny and I could make final arrangements for my mom. It was about 2:45 and I was getting ready to go give about 45 flu vaccines to doctors throughout the building and a nurse came back to let me know that my husband was waiting for me in the front lobby. I KNEW! I was a little numb. I went to the back to let my boss know that the vaccines were ready but that I had to go. She was so sweet, she stopped what she was doing and gave me a hug. George and I got into his truck and headed towards my aunts. My mom had passed a little after 2. The pastor was praying over my mom when I got there. We prayed together over her body and then I asked everyone (both of my aunts, uncle, pastor, nurse, and George) to leave the room. She looked so peaceful. I held her hand, stroked her hair and even laid with her for about 45 minutes. Some people may not understand that, but it was how I needed to grieve. The people from the funeral home came to get her body about 4:30. The viewing was Friday and the funeral was on Saturday. It was beautiful! I went back to my extern site one week after she passed. I finished my externship on Wednesday of this week and I GOT HIRED. I am not sure on my start date yet, still working out all the details.

That is about it for now....(sorry if this was too sad of a post but I needed to get all the details off of my chest before I started to forget any of it)