Christams Eve already?!?

I wish everyone a Verrrrry Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May 2011 bring MUCH joy to you and yours!!!!!

On a personal note, I can NOT wait for next year to begin and this year to END! 2010 has been a nightmare. January I found out that my mom had, yet again, another brain tumor. In March it was confirmed that she had brain AND lung cancer. April my car got totaled. August my mom took a turn for the worse so I dropped out of my externship and Rylee and I flew to California. September I got carjacked and Rylee got kidnapped. November my mom died. December my Grandad died. ......2011 HAS to be better!

I struggle as a Christian to try to understand WHY these things happened in my life this year. I know that I need to just stay true to my faith and pray for things to not get worse and for the strength and comfort that He can/will give me. I KNOW all of these things. I am human though, therefore staying strong all the time is a daily struggle. I will continue to pray....

That is about it for now......

It has been a WHILE since my last post

Well, well, well....where to begin. I have had so much go on since my last post which was October 15. I got a new, to me, car on October 16! My dad got me a Toyota Highlander for my graduation present! I started my externship on October 25 at The University of North Texas Health Science Center in the Cardiology department! On October 28 the hospice people in California said that my mom had less than 2 weeks to live. I could not take any time off because I had JUST restarted my externship. My Aunt Susan had driven my mom's car back to California earlier that week. On October 30, Aunt Susan loaded my mom and all her oxygen into my moms car and picked up my other Aunt Sarah (I call her Ninny) in Pheonix where she flew to continue the long drive back to Texas. They got back to Texas on October 31 at about 9 in the morning. George and I were waiting on them when they arrived. It was bitter sweet. George carried my mom into my Aunt Susan's house, where she would stay until she died. We spent the WHOLE day with my mom. Rylee sat up in my mom's bed and "read" to her out of several different books. My mom was pretty alert but I could tell by looking at her frail 90lb body that she was suffering. I went to my externship the following morning and as soon as I got off I went to see my mom. The hospice people from Texas had been by that day to assess her and they said it could be 24hrs to 5 days before she died but they didn't expect her to make it a week. I was crushed but I tried to stay positive. My mom's best friend Gwen met me their and my step mom, JoAnn and Nana had already been there visiting! My mom was laughing and the one thing I will remember MOST is how tight her grip was she she was holding my hand. I stayed with my mom LONG after they left and I layed with her in bed and we talked about things that we had not talked about in years. She kept telling me about her grandparents that I never had a chance to meet and towards the end of our talks she was calling me Gram. The over night hospice nurse, Betty got there about 8 and we had a long talk. She was born at Loma Linda University Medical Center where my mom had all of her treatments, she knew some of my mom's doctors and just knowing that made me feel at peace and okay! It was proof that everything happens for a reason. I went back in with my mom until she fell asleep and then I went home. I cried the whole way, but mostly good tears. I knew that she would not suffer much longer. I went to my extern site the next morning, Tuesday, November 2, with the intentions on leaving at 4 so that Ninny and I could make final arrangements for my mom. It was about 2:45 and I was getting ready to go give about 45 flu vaccines to doctors throughout the building and a nurse came back to let me know that my husband was waiting for me in the front lobby. I KNEW! I was a little numb. I went to the back to let my boss know that the vaccines were ready but that I had to go. She was so sweet, she stopped what she was doing and gave me a hug. George and I got into his truck and headed towards my aunts. My mom had passed a little after 2. The pastor was praying over my mom when I got there. We prayed together over her body and then I asked everyone (both of my aunts, uncle, pastor, nurse, and George) to leave the room. She looked so peaceful. I held her hand, stroked her hair and even laid with her for about 45 minutes. Some people may not understand that, but it was how I needed to grieve. The people from the funeral home came to get her body about 4:30. The viewing was Friday and the funeral was on Saturday. It was beautiful! I went back to my extern site one week after she passed. I finished my externship on Wednesday of this week and I GOT HIRED. I am not sure on my start date yet, still working out all the details.

That is about it for now....(sorry if this was too sad of a post but I needed to get all the details off of my chest before I started to forget any of it)

memory lane part 3...Rylee and my mom!

I am dedicating this post to my mom! She is NOT doing well. She wants nothing more than for me to complete school so I am starting my externship Oct. 25 and praying that she holds on long enough for me to get back out to California. I am overwhelmed with "life" right now. With everything going on with my mom, the woman who kidnapped Rylee, trying to find the "right" psychologist for Rylee and hoping to start with a great woman myself soon (Blake Hickerson's mom....if you know her, she is wonderful). BUT, there is more. I have been worried about Rylee's eyes the last year because she is having a hard time learning her colors....she is too young to "test" for sure but there is a good chance that she is colored blind. I know that being color blind is NOT the biggest deal in the world but it is just one more thing that I have no control of, and one more thing that is pushing me closer and closer to my "limit".......thats about it for now, enjoy the pictures!

my mom's first time to hold Rylee, she was 5 days old and we were about to leave the hospital!

GiGi and Rylee bonding

GiGi is so funny!

:) how precious is this!

this is one of my all time favorite pictures!

Rylee taking a nap just before the party for her 1st birthday! My mom ALWAYS kisses Rylee's hands, I think this is the only picture I have of that

they had not seen each other in 5 months, still the bond is there!

Rylee LOVES my mom's bracelet....one day it will be hers!

jammin out on the carousal at the Parks Mall August 2009

happy again!

Rylee always goes to my mom for "lip gick"

April 2010, just after my mom was diagnosed with lung and brain cancer.

silly GiGi, wearing Rylee's hat at the Living Desert animal show in Rancho Mirage, California

the two of them primping!

I have a few more pictures of Rylee and my mom from our trip in August/September but they are not the way I want to remember my mom so I will keep those private. All the prayers for ease of pain and suffering would be much appreciated. Thank you!!!

That's about it for now!

Memory Lan.....part 2

here are pictures from March and April 2008, mainly from her lip repair surgery and recovering. Some of the pictures might be hard to look at just warning you. ALSO....she started to figure out different ways to make us laugh....that is why there are soooo many goofy pictures!

2 months old....3-4-2008

lookin good!

FINALLY got a smile on camera!

what a change in just 2 months!

12 weeks....one of my ALL time fav. pictures

lol

shocking

 

 

 

the following are from the day before Rylee's surgery, day of the surgery and recovery

=)

the redness is from the glue/tape that we had to change every 12 hours BUT LOOK HOW GOOD HER LIP LOOKS!

her nostril and alveolar cleft ridge really came together quite nicely! She still has the alveolar cleft ridge (separation in the gum line).

I miss that gummy wide smile!

her last picture taken with a cleft lip!

surgery tool a little longer than expected. She was sooo swollen =(

lethargic

trying to come out of the anesthesia

my sleeping beauty, less than 12 hrs. post op and the swelling had gone wayyyy down!

proud mommy!

this is how we had to feed her for 2 weeks......such a pain in the butt, but soo worth the results we have now

we were soo tired, but we got us a family picture!

she was not a big fan of the "NO NOs" (arm restraints) she had to wear them for 3 weeks so she wouldn't hit herself in the mouth

going home

back to making silly faces!

sleeping beauty

hehe...more silly faces

hahaha, she also learned how to blow spit bubbles within 48 hours of surgery and for the first time she could make a lip smacking sound so needless to say she was getting spit everywhere.....but it was soooo cool for us to watch her figure everything out

she wanted her arms to go above her head but the arm restraints would only let her get them to the "baby Jesus" position so this is how she slept!

one week post op, stitches came out!!! That was such a heart breaking moment because they had to put her on a mummy wrap board and it took 3 nurses to get them out because she was so pissed that she couldn't move =(

lookin good my LOVE!!!

Well, her was another installment in my walk down memory lane....more to come int he near future!

A trip down memory lane....part 1

I have been talking about going through all of my pictures that are saved onto discs/flash drives that I have not looked at in a LONG time....I figured I would share with you!

20 weeks....we found out we were having a GIRL on the day this picture was taken!

   

36 weeks 6 days, she was here 2 days later

was sooo nervous and excited all at the same time!

I

4:34am January 4, 2008

she was so grey, took her over 2 minutes to breath on her own

  

she was 6lb 11oz and when we took her home 5 nights later she weighed 5lb 14oz

she was about the same size as George's hand

our first family picture

her nostril was so flat....but MAN, food had no problem coming out of it when she tried to eat!

soooo mad

she was under the "billy lights" for 2 days before we were able to go home.

 

they had to use the vacuum on her head because she was so wedged in my pelvis. made an ugly bruise :( 

 

she still sleeps with her hands up like this!

 

my froggy baby

 

she was sooo tiny :(

 

I was sooo tired all the time

 

her levels started to go up again so we did some sun therapy for her jaundice

10 days old, got her NAM device today! (we both cried) and she was above her birth weight again! yay

and she got her ears taped...that was a PAIN but she only had them for 6 weeks

waiting on Dr. Supakit and Dr. Park to come in and fit her for her NAM

on the way to get her NAM....makes me sad to see how tiny she still was

Daddy, baby and big brother Roger

Roger was always sooo protective of her

6 weeks old...I loved those pink corduroy overalls 

(this one is a little out of order) you can see the severity of her cleft here

about 4 weeks after using the NAM and her nostril could stand on its own!

hehe...I love her

8 weeks old!! Her lips were already stretched to where they could touch!yay

okay, that is about it for now!